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Having a safety net of support to fall back on if you need it will be incredibly helpful since you will likely need/want to process your feelings afterward separate from your partner. But the benefit is your own increased understanding of how the impact of trauma plays out in your life and relationships and what your needs are around it.Ideally you want to be in a place where you have worked through some of your own feelings about your past before sharing it with your partner. You can start out with a simple statement that feels comfortable.For example, “I have something important to tell you, and I feel nervous.
The most important piece to consider is motivation. This exercise is to help take inventory to increase of your process around sharing.
Holding off on intimacy is like putting a cork in a steam locomotive. Too much high voltage intimacy too soon can—and frequently does—blow the fuse on a brand-new relationship. “Penciling each other in” may seem a bit formal at first.
Sex throws the switch on a wide range of issues better left until the emotional circuitry of your new relationship is ready to handle them. After all, what you really want is to throw away the planner and spend every second together.
But it’s surprising how hard it can be to get your routine to cooperate with your desires—and you wind up settling for schedule scraps each week. But the future is like an enchanted jewel; it’s beautiful, but the longer you stare at it, the heavier it becomes, until no one can possibly carry it. It is astonishing how often people in a new relationship act as if romance is an exercise in mind-reading.
Take uncertainty out of the equation: make one day or evening a week a sure thing, just for the two of you—no friends, co-workers, or roommates allowed. Okay, chances are you are both thinking it: could this person be The One? It’s better to concentrate on today and avoid too much talk about tomorrow. Or perhaps they think they only get twenty questions, so they’d better use them wisely.